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Marry me Eurovision! The highs the lows and the awesomely ridiculous

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Eurovision 2013. What can I say?

An MC who chose her outfits from Barbie’s dream-house wardrobe, a crowned gypsy queen, the first Eurovision stage dive, the first  Eurovision  girl on girl kiss, and, well, Thor.

iceland eurovision 2013 crowned prince viking

Thor

Friday night Eurovision was the night for snoozin’

Eurovision 2013 started out as a snooze-fest with all the favourites, including the winner, Denmark. But let’s be honest – that’s not why we watch. We want the glits, the glam, the down-right ridiculous. They did though include my favourite, Lithuania, and he even scraped through to the finals! He won my heart with his idiotic lyrics about shoes ‘One is called love, the other is pain’. Too good. He was robbed if you ask me. He didn’t win. But please, judge for yourself.

The night finished off with the youngest contestant from Belgium singing very earnestly, then Serbia in candy store outfits.

serbia eurovision 2013

Serbia Eurovision 2013

Saturday night Eurovision was the night of the oddballs.

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Latvia Eurovision 2013

Here we saw Latvia in all their glory but no shirts, and the first Eurovision stage dive. Not enough to get them through.

San Marino – they totally killed it with the gypsy queen. The song was confusing and their voices hardly matched each others but I loved it. They didn’t get through. I’m still reeling in shock. She’s a gypsy queen for gods sake, what more do people want?

Azerbaijan

Azerbaijan Eurovision 2013

Azerbaijan, last years hosts, sent a cheesy Enrique Iglesias character, Farid Mammadov.

Spending more time gazing at his shadow self in the perspex box he brought with him rather than the sexy girl in red he hit his target market perfectly.

His song was long, boring, overly sentimental and simple. He came second.

Sweden Eurovision

Finland Eurovision 2013

Then Finland’s Krista and the Ding Dong Girls came along and gave us everything we’d come to expect and love about Eurovision. Krista dressed up in a November Rain style wedding dress singing ‘Marry Me’ and ‘oh oh a ding dong’ repeatedly. Her 3 backing dancers dressed as grooms only to rip off their suits mid-song to reveal 3 bridesmaids or I guess possibly brides. This group also hit their target market with the girl on girl kiss/gay wedding end scene, but confused the audience with it’s lyrics that were criticized for putting feminism back 50 years.

With the lyrics  ’Skipping dinner to get thinner, Where is my proposal?’, ‘I’m  your slave, and you’re my master’,  ‘I’ll play your game, I’ll change my last name, I’ll walk the walk of shame’, and finally ‘I don’t think there are no ladies, Who will give you cuter babies, Isn’t that amazing?’ you’d be forgiven if you were thinking she was making a political statement about the objectification of women – I certainly did.

Then SBS asked her what she wrote the song about and she says ‘I want my boyfriend to propose’. She’s still waiting.

Still, it’s a hilarious up-tempo song and she does say ‘oh oh a ding dong’ in it a lot. Here it is so you can judge.

Then nothing much happened until Thor came on. He’s going under the name Eythor Ingi now. He came 17th.

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Iceland Eurovision 2013

greece Eurovision 2013

Greece Eurovision 2013

Thor was followed up by Greece. The scar-rock-rebetiko fusion titled ‘Alcohol is Free’ seemed like Greece attempting to thwart any possibility of them having to host next years Eurovision, but it was well received by the audience and came 6th. For awhile it was getting the highest points when votes were first tallied. I could almost hear Greece’s treasury department crying ‘oh shit’.

Isreal was boring and Armenia wore double denim, then Hungary came along to deliver a mumbled hipster song. They came 10th.

eurovision 2013 hungary hipsters

Eurovision 2013 Hungary hipsters

Then Norway came along with Margaret who looked like she came from a castle made of ice. She came 4th but should’ve come 2nd after shoes guy from Lithuania.

eurovision 2013 norway margaret

Eurovision 2013 Noway

Then nothing happened again for awhile until Cezar from Romania regalled us with this song. There are no words except this is why we watch.

Then there was a French girl, the Spanish, Bonnie Tyler and whoever else that I’ve already forgotten. In the end I think the host Petra Mede stole the show with her little number about Sweden, reminding us just why we love them.



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